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Mouth Germs

I have an overwhelming urge to use strong alcohol or acid to burn the inside of my mouth. I eat oranges or lemons to try to lessen the urge, but it doesn’t do much. I have yet to burn my mouth with alcohol (thankfully), but each day that passes without a burning sensation in my mouth the urge grows. This is the new way my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is spinning off of my fear of getting a mouth disease.

I have had issues with teeth brushing in the past, at the worst brushing my teeth for 20 minutes straight, not even stopping if my gums would bleed. It has gotten better, and I not only brush my teeth for 6 minutes twice a day. I have tried to go down to 4 minutes, but usually only last a week before the anxiety builds up so much that I give in and go back to 6 minutes.

When I brushed my teeth so much, my mouth was extremely raw and would burn whenever I brushed my teeth. This created the correlation that a burning sensation in my mouth meant that it was clean. Since I’m not brushing my teeth as much my OCD is telling my that my mouth isn’t clean and that I need a burning feeling.

Recently I have had issues with biting the inside of my mouth raw from stress. Naturally, this caused my mouth to burn when eating, and now the action is getting intertwined with my fear of germs in the mouth. My OCD says that I need a burning feeling in the mouth, and while strong alcohol/acid would probably be the most effective, biting the inside of my mouth raw and then eating oranges creates a strong enough burning sensation to lessons the urge to use strong alcohol/acid.

My OCD lies, but it is so convincing that I can’t help but believe it. However, I will not give in. I have to challenge my OCD to get my mouth out of all of the pain I have been inflicting upon it. I fight with the hope to be able to eat or brush my teeth without fear, and one day I will get there.

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