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Love of Books

Reading is my absolute favorite thing to do, but I don’t read a single book for fun during the school year. I really want to read, and I often think about it on the weekend, but my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) doesn’t let me. It has taken books away from me, instead saying that I have to be productive otherwise I’ll live on the street and die homeless.

In middle school, I read all of the time. I’d often stay up really late on the weekends to finish a book, usually reading books in one sitting. During the summer most days all I’d do is read and I loved it. However, I kept getting told by people that I couldn’t just read, and that I had to be productive. I’d get my books taken away until I got some of my tasks done. Slowly but surely, my perception of books was changed, and my OCD made me view them as something bad.

I began to feel extremely bad every time I read a book, like I was wasting time that I should be spending doing homework or practicing my instruments. My OCD took over, and it would tell me that if I read a book during the school year I was going to fail all of my classes. I stopped reading, terrified for my future. Failing classes is not acceptable, and no book is worth destroying my future.

However, life is very dull without books. I only experience one life, instead of the lives of people in the books in addition to my own. Books also provide a break from reality, something my OCD hates. I know I have not been standing up to my OCD and fighting to get reading back, and I probably won’t do so until I get the more life interfering compulsions under control (like barely sleeping because I feel like my homework has to be perfect and exceeding expectations). However, I will not give up, and one day I will get reading back.

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