Difference of Morality

I have become terrified of people. People say that they are a good person or Christian or trustworthy, and then I find out that they’ve done some really questionable things. I see people as clean and pure, but now I’m realizing they they all seem to be tainted and it’s terrifying. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is taking hold, making me question myself and those around me.

Students around me cheat all the time and don’t seem to care about it. They don’t see anything wrong, they still feel like they are a good person. More and more I see how my fellow students do some really questionable things, sometimes even breaking laws, and they still feel like they are a decent person. How am I supposed to trust people when they do these morally gray things?

People often get into bad situations by being associated to the wrong people, and my OCD is taking full advantage of this. Since I have no way of knowing if someone around me is a murderer or a drug dealer, I am not able to protect myself from being associated with someone bad. Those people have so much power, they could ruin my life by just talking to me.

Naturally, my OCD is telling me that I can’t talk or be around anyone who is slightly morally gray (which is everyone since no one is perfect). Even my really religious friends aren’t safe from my OCD. Whenever someone talks about something they did that doesn’t perfectly follow the rules, I start freaking out inside, thinking of how much time I have spent with them and how easily I could be associated with them if they happen to do something really immoral.

The things I have done that I consider to be “bad” are nothing, even compared to my strictly religious friends. Despite that, my OCD tells me that I am morally wrong and a horrible person. In addition, any time I spend around someone who is “tainted” (not morally perfect), my OCD says that they are “tainting” me even more.

Everyone has their own morals, their own gray scale of what is right and wrong. No one is ever going to be morally black and white, and I just have to accept that. People break rules and do bad things, but I cannot let my OCD control my life. I cannot avoid people just because they have broken a rule. This is my life, one that I am going to live morally gray.