Obsessions of a Perfectionist

I often think of my life as one giant game of Whack-A-Mole. There are some aspects that are definitely a stretch, but the metaphor is helpful for explaining how constant and never ending my battle with mental illness (specifically Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)) is. I am going to list the rules of the metaphorical game that I have become trapped within, and how hard it is to get people to understand what is going on. Now, this game of Whack-A-Mole is one I didn’t sign up

I love seeing my extended family, but it brings along some unique challenges that leave me completely exhausted and emotionally drained. Everything boils down to a lack of understanding, and I chose to shove down my feelings and go along with what the family is doing instead of explaining how it is affecting me. They try to understand, they really do, but it’s hard to explain the complexity of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) unless you live with the disorder or live with

I feel like I’m dying, I can barely breath, and my lungs are closing in on themselves. That feeling is what I deal with each and every time I am inside a building, even if there is plenty of air available. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has found a new way to control my life, one that I didn’t see coming. Breathing is necessary to live, so I have no idea how to fight back. I’ve always liked cold, crisp air better than a hot and humid day. The air feels refreshing, and

Getting lower grades is a success for me. That sounds really backwards, because everyone is always aiming for perfect grades and a 4.00 GPA. However, with having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), what I am doing to improve will often be opposite of what would seem like improvement. For each and every person, improvement will be different, and no one should be judged based on one standard of improving. I have completely destroyed my life to get perfect grades, to have the h

Free time is homework time, or at least that is what I used to think. My life revolved around homework, my evenings getting more and more consumed by the never ending homework. Even if I didn’t have much homework, my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) made it so that I was doing homework and studying right up until I went to bed. My OCD makes it so that my homework takes at least twice as long as the average person, and that is on a good day. I’ve often spent hours on simple

Most people love having a lot of choices, but for me it feels like torture. Something as simple as going out to eat has become a daunting task. I never realize how many choices I make in a day until my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) makes them my enemy. The hardest choices for me have become the ones that should be the easiest to make. For harder choices, like what classes to sign up for or what activities to do, I have plenty of time to think through all of my options a

One second I’m okay, managing to make it through my day with my usual stress. The next second, I’m dying, I can barely breathe, everything is falling apart, I won’t be able to make it through the rest of my day. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is very good at jumping out when I am not ready, once I think I have everything under control. It makes my daily life a roller coaster, and I never know when it will strike next. It’s rather ironic, when I’m expecting the OCD to

Two hours and fifteen minutes of sleep isn’t enough sleep for anyone, let alone someone who is already sleep deprived. Still, the amount of sleep has been an ongoing downhill slide. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) takes over, and I perform the compulsions late into the night, and wake up the next day only to do the same thing all over again. First, it started to really go downhill in ninth grade, when I’d get five hours of sleep each night during the week. I managed, a

All-State should be one of the best weekends, but for me it became a battle with my mind. I wanted so badly to have fun like everyone around me, to enjoy an experience on being in a band with the best band players in the state, but my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) took over and turned the wonderful experience into a struggle to make it through in one piece. For those who don’t know, All-State is a group of the best people in the whole state (band, orchestra, and choir)